By Samarjit Kambam
A man is born to give. He has to give his love and affection to his wife and children. He has to provide care and protection to his parents. He has to help his friends and relatives in need, help them in times of crises and a lot more. It is his moral obligation to bring up his children, educate them and lead them all the way till they stand on their own and face the world by themselves. He has to be a responsible husband, father and son all rolled up in one. In fact, the greatness of a man lies in the way he takes responsibility. Most of all, he should remain prepared to dedicate even his life for his spouse or shall I say better half. He has to be tolerant, patient, compassionate and co-operative towards his spouse. Many may say they love their children more than their spouses. That’s hypocrisy. The better half comes first, children follows.
I have come across men, men of good repute, useful and responsible members of society as well as good husbands. Such men lead a happy life with their spouses. But, it’s an irony that after certain point of time such good and compassionate men which are really hard to find, find themselves in a dilemma. Which dilemma? One that leads to heartache and makes one to land in a state of misery. The root cause of the dilemma is that their wives ran away to other men, an unimaginable status quo. But why? After all the care, love and affection heaped upon his better half, why do such a good man deserve such a deep mental pain and heartache? Well, every wife likes a good husband – healthy, wealthy, successful, compassionate, caring and affectionate, who stand for her through thick and thin and there are many women who get all those. Still, such unpalatable happenings take place. Why? What could be the secret behind the paramount reason? I have encountered many guys who lead their lives in misery after their wives leave them after leading a family life. I can still recall Dr Ibopihak (name changed) who is a college professor. He is really a gentle, soft spoken, patient, tolerant, highly educated guy who doesn’t involve in any vice and is quite healthy, a very responsible husband and dad who still takes great care of his kids. His wife ran away with another man many years back. During that transitional stage, he was so shocked he almost went nuts. He used to ask me “Tell me, son, what’s my fault? Have I done any bad or inhumane thing to deserve this?”. A very difficult question to answer. Even Einstein would stir in his grave unable to answer this question. Later on, it was found out that he became sterile after giving birth to two kids. But her wife required her biological needs and she deserves also, as a human being which the professor failed to provide. Such delicate cases don’t happen to all, but there are many such cases in the world.
It really shocked us when local women vendors at Sanakeithel or Ima Market get married to humus black Bihari vendors. But it has been found out after a thorough introspection by civil societies that only the local women are not to blame. Their husbands usually turned out to be loafers or drunkards who don’t care a hoot for their wives making their women very lonely and giving them a meaningless life. It is at this vulnerable phase of life where such outsiders take chance through emotional blackmail, giving false hopes, constant appreciation and attention, showing compassion and care thereby bringing the women to close proximity – first mentally by winning their hearts. Once that state has been reached, physical proximity becomes quite easy and naturally they get physical with each other with the women falling prey to such voracious, sex-starved outsiders.
An unwanted scenario in our male-dominated societal set-up is that if a couple doesn’t give birth to a child after one or two years of marriage, then the husband and family usually drives away the women for not bearing children even though the fault is the husband’s medically. It’s a mindset too old which doesn’t fall in the right place in our present society because of the loopholes. Its like the guilty going scot free with the innocent victim becoming the accused. The males of our society need to change our mindset in this regard.
I have also witnessed a guy who is a sportsman cum body builder. After having a beautiful baby boy from his wife, he too has also become sort of a member of this ‘dilemma club’. But the positive side about him is that he takes great care of his kid and instead of relying on intoxicants, garners more attention to pumping iron, sometimes voraciously. Now-a-days he not only pump iron with greater intensity but eat, drink and sleep iron. What a predicament, after all the efforts he carried out.
I have encountered filthy rich men with immense power whose wives eloped away with guys who lead a life of abject poverty. These men don their wives with jewellery from head to toe, buy them the costliest dresses, take them to the choicest restaurants and hotels for dinner and serve them their favourite recipe day on and day off. But there’s something they fail to provide and that’s something which money cannot boy – the biological need of a woman. In fact, however opulent and powerful they are, they aren’t able to feed their wives below the waist. That’s where a moth-hill issue or a non-issue becomes a mountain-big issue.
Course, unhealthy lifestyle and use of intoxicants are factors that act as impetus or catalyst to the rise of the unpalatable issue but that can be considered temporary. The main culprits are the sex hormones. Non secretion or low level secretion of these hormones inside the body of a man makes him sterile or have a weak libido. The irony is that these hormones have nothing to do whether the guy is rich or poor. It’s a matter of luck. When I was a kid, I can still recall a young lady who, after getting married for about a year returned to her ancestral home and COL(cried out loud) in front of everybody present expressing, “The marriage turned out to be only name-sake to me. I am still like a virgin, an un-married woman”. Being a kid I couldn’t make out head or tale to what she was saying but later on I realised that the guy he married turned out to be sterile turning her married life meaningless and sort of a living nightmare.
Wisdom doesn’t lie below the waist. But it is from below the waist of the female of the human species that we came out alive and kicking and are able to see and experience the world. And most of all ‘Hips don’t lie’. As for me, I am thin and feeble but so far God has been kind to me and in this regard I am still holding on, still grasping, still going strong. But for the not so fortunate guys out there who fail to err, rise to the occasion, hope that renewed vigour and drive takes a U-turn with non-drivability issue lost on the driveway. And last of all guys, God speed…..